I'm sorry for leaving you, I'm sorry to disappear in your life, I'm sorry for not sharing nor listen to you.
At times, I feel depressed, I'm breathless, I can't even stand on my own.
I got no one to talk to, to share with && to have a shoulder to cry on.
Lately, I've been feeling lonely, I'm withdrawing myself against the world, society.
I don't know why, why oh why! Please, I don't wanna cry while typing this.
I know I'm an imperfect human, yes, we all have flaws, nobody's perfect.
Gosh! I can't stand this anymore, I want to let my tears flow down my cheek.
I want to let it all out, the last time I cried was, years ago? Time check; 3:06 am.
Here I am, alone, tears as my only accompany. I need strength, I need to be strong inside out.
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried, I'd wipe all of your tears, when you scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
&& I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have, all of me.
It has been a long tough road for us. We've been together for 3 years 6 months && 15 days.
Remember the day, when I told you, I can't be bothered counting the days && months?
Well now, I will count the months && days. Did I put a smile on your face? I hope so.
When people ask me, how long have you been together? I would say, 4 years.
That is what I will always say, but in truth, 4 years doesn't seem to come. We came short.
I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry to make your cry while reading this. You've been there for me through thick && thin.
I don't have any words to thank you, I really appreciate what you did to me for all these years.
I'm here without you, baby.
Please, I just wanna stop crying right now, but I can't hold back my tears. It keeps rolling.
Maybe I've been holding back this tears since the first day we first met, now I can't stop crying.
All I wanted was you, the warmth you gave me when you hugged me, the love you showered me.
The kiss that's so magical, made me feel that I'm special in this world.
I'm holding on a thinnest thread, because a girl like you, is impossible to find.
That thinnest thread hold the biggest hope. I will always love you, trust me. I'm your's, always.
Imagine a world, just me && you, no fights, no egos, no vulgarities, wouldn't it be nice?
I'm not moving on, I will never stop loving you.
It's too late to apologize, it's too late,
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late.
Baby, you are my one && only, the shoulder I cry on, the person I would share everything with.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even wake up from my dream.
'cause when I closed my eyes, the greatest part of my life comes to alive, to be with you through the night.
Baby, all those small things, I would be grateful, but slowly, things slip away.
We have to look into the future, not the past. We can look at the past but we can't step into the past.
Remember all those things we did years ago? Those times when I held your hand, never letting you go.
Those times when we watched movies together, those times when I brought you to a restaurant.
Those times when I talked on the phone with you using my niece's milk bottle?
Remember those times when you were there for me when my parents were divorce?
Those are some of the little things we did that I will never forget.
Having a long-term relationship is not an easy feat. It requires commitment, desire && trust.
Maybe I've cried enough for today. Time check; 3:34 am.
What a way to kick-start a new year, may you have a wonderful day ahead, without me.
'cause I've been around the world, I've seen so many places,
Livin' the life I've worked so hard to make it,
Trading the world for money, stars and power,
Livin' my life at 100 miles an hour,
I'm loving you, like it was the first time,
I'm still loving you, like it was the first time, like the very first time.
Woah woah, I will never leave ya, woah woah, I will never leave ya.
A new beginning, a fresh start && a whole lot number of obstacles.
How I miss those days, when I was younger. How I miss being with my closest ones.
Being with the loved ones, the closest ones are truly mesmerizing.
Those memories will never be erased, be it from the heart, or mind.
Tears running down my face, as I know, I have to move on from life.
Live life moving forward, not backwards.
Those hardships I've been through, those sweet memories I've gathered.
Those people around me, who's been supporting me through all these years,
They will always have a special place in my heart. I
LOVE those who's been with me.
&& looking back, how I wish I can turn back time, back to the old days.
Where I'm just a school boy, having fun playing soccer everyday after school ends.
I will be sweating so much, gasping for air, && slacking in the canteen with my best buddies.
We would dry ourselves by sitting directly below the fan. Ohhhhhh memories.
But all of that have been gone. && now, I'm leading my life, my own life.
Only GOD knows how I feel. Only GOD knows how much my heart has been hurt.
Sometimes, in school, I would day-dream. I would think to myself, ask myself this question.
"If I could turn back time, where would I like to start?"
Without hesitation, I would say, "Secondary 1n3, 2n3, 3n3a, 4n3a, 4 pearl. && All the wayy back to secondary 1n3."
The feeling is wayy different. Yes, it's no use reminiscing the past.
But those are the moments, which had me going. Which had me thriving for the best.
Back then, I was a happy kid. I always get what I asked for. But now, it's a whole different story.
After my dad leaves my family, it was like a whole new life.
Every day, every night, I look into my mother's eyes, && I see that she's the one suffering.
She has been my father && my mother. I'm blessed to say, I've experienced fatherly love.
But I was young, I don't care about what's going on. What I care the most was, to enjoy life.
I never expected things could be this way. I never expected life was going to be hard.
Yes, I'm the youngest, && they say, the last son will be pampered by both their parents.
It's true, I was pampered, so much, until 1 day, 1 of my parents leave me, I feel no love.
I struggled, so much, it affects my studies && my personal life.
Sometimes, when I walk through malls, seeing teenagers with their parents, really touches me.
It touches my heart, so deep. But sometimes, these teenagers still doesn't appreciate life.
They feel embarassed when they go out with their parents.
They feel like, parents are just another busybody.
They feel, having parents by their side through day && night are like stalkers.
But no, it's just that they love their children so much, they don't want to let us go.
They wouldn't show how much they love us, because their love is truly pure.
Their love for us is incredibly huge, no word can mention how much they love us.
I know, I've been a teenager before. I know, because I've been abused.
I know, because I've been through this hardships.
I've been abused by my own father before, been canned by him.
It leaves a scar, so long, I couldn't hide the scars. It was swollen, red && very very painful.
I went to school, && my teacher asked me, "What happen to your arm?"
All I could do is to zip-up my mouth. I can't say anything, why?
Because I cannot blame my father for canning me, he was just disciplining me.
I should just blame myself for playing truancy for 2 weeks.
Regret? Remorseful? I don't know.
I still remember the night he canned me,
he said to me, "Ni laa, mak manjekn Farid sngt."
"Manjekn sngt smpai tak buat keje skola, tk datang skola, mak tk marah."
That was the phrase. The phrase which I will never forget. So does the event that happened.
Love, is a very hard topic to talk about. You will never feel love, unless you start to feel hurt.
Those moments I had with my father, will never be forgotten. I solely miss him. So much.
I love you, ayah. I miss someone ayah. It has been few years down the road. Ohh GOD, I'm crying.
So much, tears are really rolling down my cheek. Daa berape tahun aku tak panggil seseorang, ayah.
I miss ayah. SO MUCH. More than I miss anyone else. I will never call anyone ayah, except for my real father.
&& I've told myself, if I got a transport, I'm gonna meet my father. && this is totally a secret.
I'm not gonna tell anyone in my family about this. I WILL NEVER.
Except for those who are reading this.
The actual reason why I take motorbike license, is to meet my father. That was the main reason.
Yes, I lied to some people, about what's the reason why I'm taking motorbike license.
I lied because I don't want to tell people the truth, because they never feel what I feel.
THEY NEVER. Unless, they share the same, exact thing.
When I was celebrating my 18th birthday, I wished, I hoped && I prayed.
Before I go to sleep on my 18th birthday, I told myself, "Ayah, kalau Farid ade lesen, Farid jumpe ayah, Farid janji."
I promised myself, I'm going to meet him. So that was the actual story. The real story.
When my friends asked me why I take motorbike license, I told them, "For transport."
But they never knew the real reason. Recently, I fought with mum, about motorbike.
She brought up the topic about motorbike, && I got frustrated.
It frustrates me more when she wanted to buy me a bike when I'm 21.
That really upsets me, disappointed. I didn't talk to mum for few days.
Even if we talk, it was very very little, hardly talk.
So, 21 baru aku dapat motor? Aku tak tahu ayah aku masih hidup atau tidak.
Aku nak jumpe dia, even for a while. I just want to meet him, talk to him, help him.
Guess life is whole lot challenging. Ujian dari Tuhan, mencabar kesabaran.
I miss my ayah, my latest ex, Rafiqah && my favourite bestfriend, Haris.I miss them so much, because they are the ones who support me through thick && thin.They have been with me even if I'm down.They cheered me up, brighten my day when I'm having a bad day.I love you, sincerely from my heart.